


i'm flicking through the pages, written in my memories

by Hazloveshisboo



Series: We Know Where We Belong [14]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky has a nightmare, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, a bit of angst, basically this is steve comforting bucky for 2000 words, he describes it but its very vague
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 03:05:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14967755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazloveshisboo/pseuds/Hazloveshisboo
Summary: Bucky has his first nightmare around Steve.





	i'm flicking through the pages, written in my memories

**Author's Note:**

> this was a request so thank you to the commenter who did so!
> 
> Title from Don't Forget Where You Belong by One Direction

Steve finished work early and he was home before Bucky, wherever he had gone that day, so he dropped his bag next to the door and fell onto the couch. He kicked his shoes off and rolled onto his side to face the TV. He turned it on to Netflix, selecting a comedy special before settling down. 

The next thing Steve knew, he was being shaken awake. He opened his eyes to see Bucky standing over him, hair pulled back into a bun with a few strands falling in his face. “Buck?” he grumbled.

“Yeah; took a nap after work?” Bucky asked, running his hand through Steve’s hair. Steve nodded and pushed himself up. 

“What time is it? Is it time for dinner because I’m starving,” Steve said, rubbing his eyes. 

“Yes, it’s time for dinner. We’ve got chicken out, what do you want?” Bucky moved to sit next to Steve on the couch. 

“Chicken fajitas?” Steve suggested, looking up at Bucky hopefully. Bucky chuckled and nodded.

“Sure, I’ll cut everything up and you cook the chicken?” Bucky stood and walked to the kitchen, Steve following close behind. They both started on their respective tasks, Steve occasionally bumping his hip against Bucky. They had finished not twenty minutes later and were sat side by side on the couch eating. 

“You didn’t have training today, right?” Steve asked between bites. Bucky shook his head. 

“Nope, I went to a few bookstores, picked up a few things. Got those small canvases you needed,” Bucky said and nodded at the corner where Steve’s easel was, the canvases propped up against it.

“Thank you, Buck. I’ll pay you back-” Steve stopped himself at the glare Bucky sent his way. “What books did you get?” he asked instead. Bucky let his face fall back into his natural resting face.

“A couple about space, some series about Greek myths or something, and that book about the gay kid they’re making a movie out of,” Bucky said. “What about you? You finish the piece you were working on?”

“Almost, just got a few finishing touches I have to do tomorrow morning and then I’ll be done,” Steve finished and sat his plate down on the coffee table. “Want to watch a couple episodes of Game of Thrones?” Bucky nodded and set his plate down on top of Steve’s and settled into the corner of the couch. Steve queued it up on Netflix before laying down on Bucky’s chest to watch. 

They got through almost four episodes before Steve was too tired to stay up any longer. Bucky shut the TV off and helped Steve stand. “Go on and go to bed. I’ll be in a few minutes, gonna clean up a bit first.” Steve just nodded, padding into the bathroom first. He washed his face and brushed his teeth lethargically before stumbling into their bedroom. He stripped to just his underwear, pulled on one of Bucky’s shirts, and climbed into bed. Despite how tired he was, he couldn’t fall asleep without Bucky with him. They had only been living together about three months now but sleeping with Bucky had improved Steve’s own sleep by miles. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, the extra heat to keep him warm, Bucky’s steady breathing he could match his own to, or just the knowledge he had his most important person with him and safe, but Steve was sleeping better than he could ever remember. 

Steve laid in bed, somewhere between consciousness and sleep for a bit before Bucky finally joined him. Once Bucky was underneath the duvet, Steve latched onto him and refused to move. He laid his head on Bucky’s chest to feel his heartbeat and rhythmic breathing, eventually lulled into sleep. 

***  
Steve was woken abruptly, being thrown off the bed and onto the wooden floor, his head hitting the nightstand on the way down. He groaned and slowly sat up, rubbing the sore spot on his head, looking around the room until he saw Bucky cowering in the corner of the room. Steve could tell he was trembling and he was holding his head in his hands, mumbling something to himself. 

“Buck?” Steve said softly, using the bed to pull himself up. “Bucky? Can you look at me?” He took a few steps toward him, but Bucky growled and shook his head. “C’mon Buck,” Steve continued to move toward him until he was only a few feet away. 

“Get away,” Bucky snapped, refusing to look at Steve. Steve’s breath hitched slightly. He had never heard Bucky speak like that, much less to him. 

“Bucky what…what happened?” Steve asked a bit desperately. “Did you have a nightmare or something?” Bucky flinched slightly, barely noticeable, but Steve caught it. “Okay, a nightmare. Do you know where you are, Buck? You’re in our apartment, in Brooklyn. You’re at home, with me, Steve. I’m your boyfriend, remember?” Bucky nodded weakly. “Good,” Steve said and took a deep breath. “Can I touch you? Or is that too much? I don’t know what to do.” Bucky just sat silently, resting his head against the wall with his eyes closed. Steve just sat down where he was standing, leaning against the dresser to wait out whatever Bucky was going through. 

They sat together on the floor silently for almost an hour before Bucky finally moved. Steve watched him closely, biting his lip. Bucky looked over at him and his eyes narrowed. “Did you hit your head?” Steve reached up and felt the spot where he bumped the nightstand. He could feel a bit of dried blood. 

“I hit it when I fell off the bed,” Steve said gently, not wanting Bucky to blame himself.

“When you fell off the bed?” Bucky repeated, a confused look on his face for a moment. “You mean when I freaked out and pushed you off the bed?” Steve sighed. 

“It wasn’t your fault, Buck, you didn’t know what you were doing,” Steve said and moved closer to him. “I don’t blame you one bit. Now come on, let’s go to the bathroom, I can get cleaned up.” 

“It is my fault,” Bucky protested but let Steve pull him to his feet, following him to the bathroom. Steve sat Bucky on the closed toilet lid and dug the first aid kid out from under the sink, using the anti-septic in it to clean the small cut. It was shallow and very superficial, luckily, and didn’t even need a bandage. He glanced over at Bucky. His boyfriend was covered in sweat and his breathing was uneven. 

“Why don’t we take a shower?” Steve suggested. Bucky seemed to think over it for a moment before nodding once. Steve opened the shower door and turned the water on, a little hotter than he would usually make it. He knew Bucky hated cold water and the last thing he wanted was to trigger Bucky further. He pulled his (read: Bucky’s) shirt over his head and stepped out of his underwear. “C’mon, Buck,” Steve urged and took Bucky’s hand. Bucky stood and pushed off his own underwear and got into the shower after Steve, standing with his back to it, stopping any of the spray from hitting Steve directly. 

“I’m sorry,” Bucky muttered, metal fingers brushing against the cut. “I never wanted to hurt you, ever.” 

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Steve said and placed his hands on Bucky’s chest, scratching his nails lightly over his pectorals. “I know you didn’t mean to, that you would never do something like that when you were in your right mind.” 

“But I still did it,” Bucky said, voice cracking. “I hurt you, Steve.” 

“And I’m fine. Just a little blood and a cut that will heal in a few days. And it wasn’t even you that caused the cut, it was the nightstand,” Steve reasoned, looking up at Bucky. “Do you want to talk about your nightmare?” Bucky took a deep breath, chest shuddering under Steve’s hands. 

“In one of the episodes of the show we watched, there was a scene. Didn’t like watching it but it didn’t cause any flashbacks or anything, at least right then. But I dreamed of when they did something similar to me. Strung me up, beat me…,” he spoke softly, Steve could barely hear him over the water. 

“You’re not there anymore. I would give anything to take away the pain you feel, the hurt and the paranoia, everything. I would give everything to ensure your happiness,” Steve said earnestly. “Unfortunately, I can’t do that yet, so you’ll have to settle for what I can offer. And that’s all of me. I am here for you no matter what. I love you, Bucky, with my entire being, my entire heart and soul. I can’t stop your nightmares and your flashbacks, but I will always be here for the aftermath.” Bucky just stared down at him, mouth open slightly in shock. 

“What could I have possibly done to deserve that?” he asked, voice shaking. “I’m a monster.” 

“Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. But you are mine and I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else,” Steve stood on his toes and kissed Bucky as gently as he could. Bucky kissed back, arms wrapping around Steve’s waist. Steve pressed as much of his body against Bucky’s as he could, trying to make him understand how loved and wanted he was. They eventually pulled apart, Steve panting a bit from lack of oxygen. 

“Let’s get back in bed, yeah? You need more sleep,” Steve reached around Bucky and shut the water off before opening the door. He stepped out and grabbed two towels, handing one to Bucky before he dried himself off. He tugged his shirt and underwear back on, Bucky doing the same next to him. Once they were both dressed, Steve took Bucky’s hand and led him to their bedroom, pulling back the duvet. Steve waited for Bucky to get in before laying down with him. Instead of laying in their usual position, Steve moved up a bit and pulled Bucky to lay against him, his face almost buried in Steve’s neck. Not long after they got comfortable, Steve could feel Bucky shaking slightly, his neck damp with Bucky’s tears. Steve just held him tight and rubbed his back. He wished he could do more, do anything besides provide a shoulder to cry on, but he knew Bucky needed to get through it on his own, so he stayed quiet, allowing Bucky the time and space to cry.

***  
Steve woke the next morning with Bucky still tucked against him, the sun shining through the curtains. He looked down at Bucky and smiled to see him sleeping peacefully. He settled back into the bed, wanting Bucky to wake up on his own. It wasn’t much longer before Bucky began to stir, slowly opening his eyes. Steve carded his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “Good morning,” he whispered.

“Morning,” Bucky grumbled and sat up, allowing Steve to do the same. “What time is it? How long did I sleep?” Steve reached over and grabbed his phone, checking the screen. 

“It’s about eight, you slept quite a while,” Steve said and set the device back down, taking Bucky’s hand in his. “How are you feeling?” 

“I’m okay,” Bucky shrugged and sighed. “I’ve had worse.”

“Doesn’t make this one any easier,” Steve pointed out. “I’m gonna call and tell the woman who’s piece I’m working on something came up and I’ll have to come in and finish tomorrow.” 

“No, Steve, you don’t need to do that. I’m fine, really,” Bucky argued. “Go to work.”

“No,” Steve said firmly, shaking his head. “I can tell you’re still a bit shaken. I’m staying home, and we can cuddle on the couch and watch Netflix all day, yeah? It’s a plan.” Bucky watched Steve for a moment before nodding. Steve was more stubborn than most on a normal day, but a day when his boyfriend is recovering from a traumatic flashback? He was immovable. 

“It’s a plan,” Bucky agreed. Steve smiled and leaned in, kissing Bucky.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://hazloveshisboo.tumblr.com/)
> 
> as always, I am always taking requests! Leave them in the comments or message me on tumblr if you have one!


End file.
